Why does someone want to go to space?

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Photo: Chandan Khanna / AFP via Getty Images

Do you like camping? Yes? Would you like to go camping, but without gravity or hot food? This is how civilians currently in space described their expected experience for the three days they orbit the Earth.

The mission, which took off yesterday, is the first time an all-civilian crew has exploded in the cosmos, and is launched by (who else?) Elon Musk and his space company SpaceX. It is sponsored by a billionaire entrepreneur named Jared Isaacman, who apparently also hopes to increase “awareness” and $ 200 million for St. Jude’s Hospital via this trip. This begs the question: why spend the money on a three-day space trip to… fundraise? Either way, Isaacman is also one of the civilians on board, along with a medical assistant at St. Jude’s Hospital, a geoscientist, and a data engineer whose friend won a spot on the spaceship in a lottery. and (wisely) gave it. .

Speaking at a pre-launch press conference the day before take off, Isaacson said, “We are very aware of how lucky we are,” which is… one way of putting it. Another way is this: life in space is zero, in fact. Life aboard Crew Dragon (I can only assume Musk personally named this spaceship) seems miserable. Sian Proctor, the geoscientist who also happens to be the first black female spacecraft pilot, revealed that her favorite comfort food for the mission would be… cold pizza. She continued, “Food and mood are so important. It was really important to have food that made us feel comfortable.

Comfortable? With a cold pizza? Why should you eat it cold? Isn’t Inspiration4 equipped with SpaceX-branded ovens? I would say the space ice cream I bought at the Intrepid museum in 2004 would be tastier and more comforting than the cold space pizza. Jeff Bezos’ phallic rocket is more comforting than cold space pizza. Also, I can’t fault Bezos for capping his space-time at 11 minutes. He was probably hungry.

After consuming the sad Cold Space Pizza, civilians can chill out in the Crew Dragon Cupola, a small glass observation bubble atop the spaceship that is also the spaceship’s toilet. Hmm. The crew also keep a few items in their custody, namely a bunch of artwork that will then be auctioned off on Earth and 66 pounds of hops that Sam Adams will then turn into space beer (??) and sell. They are also responsible for the security of an NFT of a Kings of Leon song. In addition to Kings of Leon, the crew will listen to one of their members play the ukelele they brought into space.

Ultimately, it seems no one is too upset with the poor quality of life in space, as they’re already busy performing medical experiments there, which is oddly like the premise of every movie. alien invasion that I have ever seen. The plan is to do ultrasound scans, swabs, and performance and cognition tests to better understand how the human body works in space. This is especially interesting because they go higher than the International Space Station and the Hubble Space Telescope, where they could be exposed to additional radiation. Great! Surely nothing can go wrong here.

All of the crew apparently confirmed that they were not at all nervous about going into space, to which I say: brave. Personally, I have no plans to join the 600 people who left our planet’s burning garbage pile anytime soon. I would prefer crispy here!



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